YSunday, October 7, 2007

Like The Devil, Except In A Skirt

There are some things in this world that terrify me.

One of those things is/are (I really don't know which one I should use in this instance) women. More specifically, women who are walking.

When we walk, its perfectly natural for us to swing our arms. We all know this. It's a measure taken to keep balance while walking, so as to not fall flat on our faces and have our friends point and laugh at us. But then they would probably fall over too. Then we would get up and laugh at them. And we'd fall. Oh, what a vicious cycle.

Anyway, when you walk, you may notice that while you do swing your arms, the angle isn't very large. If you take vertical to be the normal, then I would say that your arm oscillates at no greater than 15 degrees both ways.

I sound like such a nerd. This is what studying Physics does to you. At least I have an entire year to forget what I've learned for my Promos exams, which are over, by the way. Yay for that.

Okay. However, if you make an attempt to consciously notice your arm swingage (not a word, I know) you would find that it would not follow the patterns it normally follows. This can be said of all subconscious activities. Next time, try to do the same for your breathing and blinking as well. You'll start to foam at the mouth. Or better yet, try to pinpoint the exact moment before you fall asleep.

Back to my point. So there are some women in this world, who for some inexplicable reason, have the tendency to swing their arms with obscenely large angles. I cannot draw any conclusions as to why, or even how they are able to do that. When I try to mimic them, I immediately feel tired and I can hear unsettling cracking noises along the length of my arm.

They have mad skillz. Respect.

I estimate their arm swinging oscillations to be about 40 to 45 degrees. Now you may be asking yourself, why is this moron talking about women swinging their arms while they're walking? And why is he afraid of them? What's wrong with this dude? Allow me to explain.

Whenever I find myself in a crowded place, I will always find this women in front of me. The one with the massive arm swing. She may be tall, short, skinny, or fat, but there she'd be. Whenever I see her on her backswing, my heart races, my pupils dilate, sweat pours through my pores, and I wail with terror (like in a manly way). Simply put, I'm afraid that her arm will hit me in my gentlemen's area. An area that I place a rather high value upon.

If she happens to be holding a heavy metal purse in her hand, the fear is multiplied several-fold.

So there it is, one of my deepest, darkest fears.

What? Did you expect me to have another intellectual debate?

Give me a break, I'm tired of thinking.

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