YSunday, January 28, 2007

I Feel So... Not Good.

I don't know whether I can keep blogging at the rate I'm going. JC level education is quite a bit tougher than Secondary school education. It's true that we're given more freedom, which I really enjoy, but we are also given more work, which I don't enjoy.

One thing that really gets me is the subject matter. PCME, in the right hands, can be very interesting, unfortunately for me, it isn't. Few, if any, of my teachers make the subjects they teach intriguing or exciting. They seem to lack passion for their work. I'm not saying teaching is an easy job, and it's definitely not easy to be passionate about teenagers who have no thirst for knowledge or desire to learn.

Furthermore, I really dislike the way lessons are conducted. For those of you who don't know, lessons are conducted in a Lecture/Tutorial fashion, meaning the teachers will give a lecture, and bore 100s of students at a time, and when the lecture is over, and no one has learned anything, the students will then have tutorials, this time they get bored by another teacher repeating the topic, only in groups of 20, where they don't learn anything. AGAIN. Lectures are a horrible way to teach. Imagine this. Large, cool, air-conditioned room with comfortable chairs. Unmotivated, sleepy, lazy students. Teacher, monotonous voice, dull subject, talking, 80 MINUTES. ( Oh God, just kill me. Stab me in the eye with a rusty screwdriver.) Do you think the students will learn well?

I thought not.

So anyway, because of that, students go home everyday feeling incredibly drained. They don't want to think, to write, or to work anymore. They just want to swallow some food, get cleaned up, and flop onto their beds. That's how they feel. That's how I feel. However, instead of getting to do that, I'm forced to write some mathematical crap that has nothing to do with my life. I don't see how binomial theorems will have any significant impact on my future as a young man. I just feel so mentally drained. That's why these days, I'm finding it quite difficult to think, write, or express my opinions. I just don't feel like doing it anymore. Should I escape from it all?

Right now I'm having a severe case of writer's block. I just can't think straight. I don't have the inspiration to talk about current affairs, my ideas, music or anything else. Notice how this post has a major lack of focus, poor language, not to mention having absolutely no point? I don't even know what I'm writing. These are just the rants and raves of an insane 16 year old. I'm not even going to bother to check the grammar and spellings.

Sometimes I wish I was stupid. I know that sounds stupid, but hear me out. Stupidity will set your mind free. I mean, consider this for a moment. Ignorance is bliss. Ever hear that statement? I believe it. Let's just say I have the mental capacity to live, and just do some menial job. I won't be able to have deep thought. I wouldn't be rich, I would live alone. Everyday I would go to work, survive on my meager income, and just pass the days by. Yes, the bliss may be built on a foundation of lies and self-deception, but if you're stupid, you wouldn't be aware of it right?

I know I should consider myself to be really lucky, and I truly and honestly do. I live in a nice house, with a nice family. I don't have to worry about my next meal or surviving the night. I have many friends, people who care about me. I suffer from no illnesses. I have much to live for. I guess everyone will just have moments of weakness.

Today's post is total crap.

Sorry for being so emo.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Hopefully this is just a passing phase.

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Blogged @ 6:32 PM